View Full Version : Not tonight .....

26-01-06, 04:10 PM
I posted this on behalf of Rob but I do think it is funny!

I never quite figured out why the se xual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial means as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having s ex tonight either.

26-01-06, 04:39 PM
Ive never got the imbalance either, nature seems to have dropped a goolie to me; surely if both sexes desires were balanced, then we would be more reproductive??

I've had a theory for years (OK, you already know Im sad), that when the space ship dropped the first man and woman off on Earth, they somehow got the batches mixed up, and somewhere, on another planet, there's a whole load of really rampant women who just think about nothing but men and sh8gg1ng all the time;
but all their men want to do is hold hands and wash their hair all the time, and complain that women are 'just not in touch with their male sides'.


26-01-06, 05:17 PM
You must be spot on with your theory.
I dream of that planet most nights and the women in my dreams are well steamy.:thumb:

26-01-06, 05:22 PM
Yep, as much as I love my Cobra, if I could buy a spaceship, I'd be there!!!!

:angel: :angel: :angel:

26-01-06, 08:24 PM
I really like the saying that a man will spend two pounds on a one pound thing that he really wants, whereas a woman will spend one pound on a two pound thing that she's not really bothered about.
Certainly true in our house.

26-01-06, 10:07 PM
The best advice I ever got, (although it took me years to realise it), was from my father on my 21st birthday:
'The sooner you realise you'll never understand women, the more time you'll have to enjoy your life'
Bless him, love him to bits, 78 and still going strong.

Grease Monkey
27-01-06, 01:13 PM
I think i know her....!

now, does anyone have any cotton as i may be needing some stiches if swmbo reads this.. :p

27-01-06, 05:27 PM
Well just in case there is an unatched fem on here that comes from the same planet that i do then please drop me a PM. We can drive and shine the Cob between beautiful sessions of what we do best :-)

Grease Monkey
27-01-06, 06:09 PM
Well just in case there is an unatched fem on here that comes from the same planet that i do then please drop me a PM. We can drive and shine the Cob between beautiful sessions of what we do best :-)

AFAIK there are only half a dozen people of the lady persuasion that regularly use this site, SWMBO, Louise, Jenny, Fiona.. err i'm drying up somewhat...

27-01-06, 08:51 PM

Three men sitting together bragging about how they had given their new
wives duties to perform.

Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had told
his new wife to do all the dishes and house cleaning in the house. He
said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a
clean house and all the dishes were cleaned and put away.

James had married a woman from Australia and he bragged that he had
given his new wife orders to do all the cleaning, dishes and the
cooking. He told them the first day he didn't see any results, but the
next day it was better and by the third day his house was clean, the
dishes done and there was a huge meal on the table.

The third man said the he had married a Northern Ireland girl. He
boasted that the duties he had ordered her to do were to keep the house
cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table every day. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the
second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the
swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left
eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a

You guys over on the mainland are all sex starved. Over here we men make the decisions and have the last word..........................Yes dear.