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View Full Version : Mercedes Announces Piss Assist



Louise
09-03-06, 07:55 PM
http://www.sniffpetrol.com/index.html

"The new Mercedes S-class has already drawn attention for its unprecedented level of high technology driver aids. Now Merc is poised to add to that already impressive list of gizmos with a forthcoming option aimed at reducing the risk of driving along when you really need a wee. Dubbed Piss Assist, the new system works using a system of tubes, bottles and a funnel and will be offered on the S-class from this summer. "Our research shows that road safety can be severely compromised by driving along desperately needing a slash," said one Stuttgart Insider. "As well as impaired concentration caused by focusing attention on not wetting yourself, there is also the risk of not operating the controls correctly thanks to heightened levels of leg jiggling". Benz insiders say Piss Assist will not only dramatically reduce the number of times when the motorist has to drive like a nutter to reach a petrol station before they get any seepage on the front of their keks - the system will also prove a bonus for long distance drivers who can't be arsed to stop for a waz.
However, before Piss Assist has even gone on sale Mercedes spies say that the company is already working on a second generation system which will make use of the urine stored in the on board bottle, rather than simply dumping it on the road once a pre-set speed threshold has been passed. Instead, the driver will have the option of firing jets of hot piss from a special washer jet carefully designed to repel those twats who try to wash your screen at the lights. The more advanced Piss Assist is likely to be phased in with the introduction of another forthcoming S-class option called Pikey Fighter Plus which is designed to keep the poor away from your car.
Not to be outdone, BMW is said to be working on a system to rival Piss Assist, believed to be labelled Shitronic."

:D :p :D

fcukruss
09-03-06, 08:03 PM
roflmao


russ

Purple AK
09-03-06, 08:46 PM
Love It :D Should be of use to us "Older Drivers" ;) :D

Louise
10-03-06, 10:57 AM
I thought you guys might want to organise a 'bulk buy' for Le Mans :D

plod
10-03-06, 11:22 AM
I thought you guys might want to organise a 'bulk buy' for Le Mans :D

we'll get one for you Louise as you always seem to wet yourself with excitement when COBRA is mentioned ( oh dear, quick run, you'll make it... :D )

Louise
10-03-06, 12:19 PM
we'll get one for you Louise as you always seem to wet yourself with excitement when COBRA is mentioned ( oh dear, quick run, you'll make it... :D )

:eek: :( Too late.


LOL :D :p


I could do with one for the 7 actually, as the vibration tends to shake the old bladder about!!

More blatting, less peeing. . . now there is a good signature!