View Full Version : The 2004 Girly Man's Handbook

03-10-04, 10:22 AM
I thought you would find this useful! :thumb:


SICK DAYS. We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

PERSONAL DAYS. Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year--they are called Saturday and Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so they can look healthy. Normal people get 15 minutes for lunch to get balanced meals to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.

DRESS CODE. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well and do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and don't need a raise.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE. There is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives, or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have no employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, funerals should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch and leave that much earlier.

RESTROOM USE. Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under "Chronic Offenders."

Thank you for your loyalty to our great state. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.


Grease Monkey
03-10-04, 05:33 PM

I think i used to work there...

04-10-04, 01:15 PM
I think I still do :D