And today's joke is......

[dave]

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there is nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:

Number one, you have to be single and number two, you must be Catholic."


The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and I'm Catholic!"


"OK" the nun says, "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But
when
they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child, said the nun, why are y ou crying?"

"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Methodist."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

[tarmacscratcher]

Another cabbie joke.......
Same guy in his cab is passing an alley way and an arm sticks out......he stops to pick up the fare.......and a naked woman jumps in the back. Where to duck? (this is in Stoke) and she gives him the address. After some moments the cabbie, realising, says " I hope you don't mind but obviously you have no money on you.......how are you going to pay?"
The woman leans back and spreads her legs and says "Will this do?".......
The cabbie says "Do you have anything smaller?"

[Purple AK]

Originally Posted by dave

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there is nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:

Number one, you have to be single and number two, you must be Catholic."


The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and I'm Catholic!"


"OK" the nun says, "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But
when
they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child, said the nun, why are y ou crying?"

"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Methodist."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

Not the same version I heard But cleaner

[kayjayd]

Originally Posted by tarmacscratcher

The woman leans back and spreads her legs and says "Will this do?".......
The cabbie says "Do you have anything smaller?"

Excellent ......:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Big Dai]

Liked both of those - this one's not a cabbie joke but I liked it :

A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor

comes in and says "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you
probably won't remember but you were in a pile-up on the motorway.
You're going to be OK, you'll walk again and everything, but something
happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your pen*s was chopped off
in the wreck and we were unable to find it."

The bloke groans a bit, but the doctor goes on "But it's going to be
alright, we have the technology now to build you a new one that will
work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it
doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch".

The bloke perks up at this, even though it's a thousand pounds an inch.

"So the thing is" the doctor says, " it's for you to decide how many
inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife.
For instance, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to
go for a nine incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine
inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time
she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a vital role
in helping you make the decision."

So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the
next day.

"So" says the doctor "Have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have," says the fellow.

"And has she helped you in making the decision?"
"She has," says the bloke.

"And what is it?" asks the doctor.



The bloke looks up and says "We're getting a new kitchen".

[monster.chub]

A SEA FISHERMAN HAS JUST CAUGHT A HADDOCK WITH A SYRINGE ATTATCHED TO ITS FIN - IT WAS A DRUG HADDOCK !!

[Miket]

Originally Posted by Big Dai

Liked both of those - this one's not a cabbie joke but I liked it :

A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor

comes in and says "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you
probably won't remember but you were in a pile-up on the motorway.
You're going to be OK, you'll walk again and everything, but something
happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your pen*s was chopped off
in the wreck and we were unable to find it."

The bloke groans a bit, but the doctor goes on "But it's going to be
alright, we have the technology now to build you a new one that will
work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it
doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch".

The bloke perks up at this, even though it's a thousand pounds an inch.

"So the thing is" the doctor says, " it's for you to decide how many
inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife.
For instance, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to
go for a nine incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine
inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time
she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a vital role
in helping you make the decision."

So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the
next day.

"So" says the doctor "Have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have," says the fellow.

"And has she helped you in making the decision?"
"She has," says the bloke.

"And what is it?" asks the doctor.



The bloke looks up and says "We're getting a new kitchen".

Like that :thumb: :thumb: