State of the Country

[wilf]

Sure this is old, and I claim no originality. I did laugh the first time I read it, cried the second.......

A squirrel story

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END...but read on...



THE U.K. VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well
fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so, while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.

Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his 'fair share' and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.

He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt
when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home.

The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.

Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned Because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.

A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house.

He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks.

He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up.

Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for Grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased.

The asylum-seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.

They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

THE END.....

[tarmacscratcher]

I'll kill any barsteward who tries to put his hads on my nuts

[Purple AK]

I'd always thought there was more to coming back as a Cat in a later life, Other than the ability to lick my own b***s

[hairysanta]

Sad but so true

Welcome to 3rd World Britain---coming very soon

Its a shame I cant laugh--If only it wasn't true

[Dixie]

Sadly the white English/Scottish/Welsh/Irish men are becoming a minority. No good will come of it. One day we will have enough and there will be un-rest, the sooner the people in power see what is happening the better, until that day you are all going to have to sit and watch this once great country go to the "Dogs".

On a lighter note it was great to see a St.George flag flying over our local church yesterday, at least there is some pride left in our area, last year the numpties in the village Parish Council didn't want to put it up, just incase it offended some people, i say sod em, if they don't like it they know where the nearest airports are.

I will get off my soap box now.

Mark

[Nick S]

[quote=Dixie;240476]Sadly the white English/Scottish/Welsh/Irish men are becoming a minority. No good will come of it. One day we will have enough and there will be un-rest, the sooner the people in power see what is happening the better, until that day you are all going to have to sit and watch this once great country go to the "Dogs".

On a lighter note it was great to see a St.George flag flying over our local church yesterday, at least there is some pride left in our area, last year the numpties in the village Parish Council didn't want to put it up, just incase it offended some people, i say sod em, if they don't like it they know where the nearest airports are.

I will get off my soap box now.


Get back on your box now ~ you've got my vote

Nick.

[dingocooke]

hehe old but funny,

But every time I hear the phrase 3rd world britain it makes me smile; if youve ever been to a true 3rd world country you wouldnt even think it in the same sentence as Britain!!

[Purple AK]

Originally Posted by dingocooke

hehe old but funny,

But every time I hear the phrase 3rd world britain it makes me smile; if youve ever been to a true 3rd world country you wouldnt even think it in the same sentence as Britain!!

Agree there Steve. A week on the "inside" of the Gambia certainly opens the eyes

[Stu J]

Originally Posted by Purple AK

Agree there Steve. A week on the "inside" of the Gambia certainly opens the eyes

Very true,

But when we listen to our 'premier' making financial decisions then changing his mind, makes me worry

[steve ferguson]

Originally Posted by Stu J

Very true,

But when we listen to our 'premier' making financial decisions then changing his mind, makes me worry

who voted for him again? oh that would be no one, sorry, if megalomaniac in charge would just like to put his hand up and admit he has no idea what he is doing, we would all be better off, rant over