Men are happier people

[simon]

> NICKNAMES
> If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura,
> Kate and Sarah ..
> If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other
> as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
>
> EATING OUT
> When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even
> though it's only for £32.50.
> None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they
> want change back.
> When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
>
> MONEY
> A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
> A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
>
> BATHROOMS
> A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving
> cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
> The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
> A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
>
> ARGUMENTS
> A woman has the last word in any argument.
> Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
>
> CATS
> Women love cats.
> Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
>
> FUTURE
> A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
> A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
>
> SUCCESS
> A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
> A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
>
> MARRIAGE
> A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
> A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
>
> DRESSING UP
> A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins,
> answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
> A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
>
> NATURAL
> Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
> Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
>
> OFFSPRING
> Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
> She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite
> foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
> A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
>
> THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
> A married man should forget his mistakes.
> There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.