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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Newton Abbot, Devon, UK. (God's waiting room)

    What a load of b*****ks

    A man went to the doctor suffering from severe headaches. After a thorough examination, the doctor turned to him and said:

    "Jerry, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.

    "You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates these serious headaches you've been experiencing. So the only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

    Jerry was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

    When he eventually left the hospital Jerry was pleasantly surprised at how good it felt not to have a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he also knew that he was missing an important part of himself.

    As he walked down the street, he realised that he felt like a different person. He could make a fresh start and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought to himself a new suit would be the perfect thing to mark this new beginning.

    He entered the shop and told the salesman: "I'd like a new suit."

    The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said: "Let's see... size 44 long?"

    "That's right, how did you know?" said Jerry, laughing.

    "I've been in the business 60 years!" replied the tailor.

    Jerry tried on the suit and it fitted like a glove.

    As Jerry admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked: "How about a new shirt?"

    Jerry thought for a moment and then agreed.

    The salesman eyed Jerry again.

    "Let's see... 34 sleeve and 16-and-a-half neck?"

    Once again, Jerry was surprised.

    "That's right, how did you know?"

    "Like I said, I've been in the business 60 years!"

    So Jerry tried on the shirt, and it was a perfect fit.

    As Jerry adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked: "How about new shoes?" Jerry was on a roll and so thought, why not?

    So the salesman eyed Jerry's feet and said: "Let's see... you must be a size nine-and-a-half?"

    Jerry was astonished.

    "That's right, how did you know?"

    "Well, young fella, I've been in the business long enough to know these things!"

    Jerry tried on the shoes and they were also a remarkable fit.

    Jerry walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked:

    "So that only leaves the new underwear. How about it?"

    Jerry thought for a second and agreed.

    The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said: "Let's see... size 36."

    Jerry laughed.

    "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

    The salesman shook his head. "There's no way. I'm never wrong. You can't wear a size 34."

    "Oh yes I can," replied Jerry and have been most of my life.

    "I don't understand," said the tailor. "By my reckoning a 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

    x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( :sm :sm :sm :sm :sm

    I've often been asked, "What do you old folks do now that you're retired?
    Well, I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch and margaritas into urine.

    Life's good, live it.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Paignton, Devon, U.K.

    RE: What a load of b*****ks

    Bored again are we mike!
    \"If Anything that i post on this site offends any person in any way possible,i categorically apologise unreservedly in advance as any distress or alarm or harassment was not my intention.I apologise wholeheartedly!!!!!\"

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